Losing and finding
Sometimes I find myself hiding in a crowd. Do you know that feeling when you are aware of a background hum of unease. Socialising was not the best choice of the day as you peer through the threads of work and relationships that cloud your view. You want to do everything right, dot your i’s and cross your t’s but sometimesx this feels insufficient. Knowing that a good friend is someone you can simply relax with and gets your idiosyncrasies. Often it seems many of the traits I am drawn to are opposite to so much of me but there is one constant…the emotional centre, that is the beating heart of understanding the complexity of being.The emotional bits…the feeling of wanting to be all things to all people…you know the impossibility of perfection, yet I am a perfectionist…though only the emotional soul can recognise this trait. My desk is in chaos. Perfection is not a tidy house or work space but the ability to build a sense of self and to be true to that inner knowing…the soul voice…especially in the small moments when the clock stands still and nothing seems to fall into place. The ability to get up in the morning and start fresh, knowing that persistence really does get you there. I guess I am a believer in possibilities as one who was surrounded by those who did not know. I always knew… I create through the chaos to find the parts of me that have been buried in the expectations of life, in order to find the fragments, that take shape and allow me to be. Sometimes I get lost in the people around me and that is when I retreat to my studio to find the space inside that allows me to open again.
Where do you go when the noise of the world crowds in?
Like you, I retreat to my craft corner. Sometimes just sit there and stare at the artwork on the wall. Arrange anything on the table and on carts at their sides, arrange anything I can get my hands on. One time, I just sat there and finished reading the book I began a few days earlier. Most times, I just sit there, looking at the mess of paint, I did not care to wipe after doing something.